As Time Passes

I don't know about you, but the older I get the more I feel the need to connect to the past. Maybe this is what they call a midlife crisis. Sometimes it's hard to move forward without looking back. This reflection carries a number of emotions - happiness, sadness, regrets... But taking an inventory of life is always a good thing. It helps me maintain a healthy perspective. This need resulted in locating my first love. I was 20 years old when we meet. It's not that I didn't think I was in love prior to this, but I knew the situations before weren't about love. There was Dennis Koluder in 7th grade. He came to a party I had in my basement and we played 7 minutes in heaven. My orange striped ruffled shirt smelled of his Old Spice cologne even after it was washed. To this day, Old Spice evokes strong memories. But there is only one first love. He was from Belfast, Ireland and the singer in a local band. After several months of being together, he went to England to record an album, but the deal fell through and I never saw him again.

Thirty-five years later we found each other. He is in Belfast and I'm an ocean away. I'm free and he is anything but free. I haven't really decided if being back in touch is good or bad. Actually, it has been some of both. I wrote and lived the past which can be both emotional and cathartic at the same time. I know now that he loved me as much as I loved him so no more time spent wondering. But I'm done for now.